


The Return

by freemages77



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Solasmancers
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-04
Updated: 2015-03-30
Packaged: 2018-03-16 06:25:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3477806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freemages77/pseuds/freemages77
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takes place after the events of the final battle in Dragon Age-Inquisition. Gwynn Lavellan searching for a way to find Solas. Solas struggles with his demons.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Gwynn

Gwynn

 

White-hot pain was searing from the anchor on Gwynn’s hand. It had been months since the battle with Corypheus and the mark still troubled her.

“We can take a break Inquisitor,” Dorian said. He had been training her in secret since the battle.

“No.” Gwynn shook her hands in an effort to relieve the tension. “I’m close, I can feel it. I need to be able to control this if your plan is to work.”

Dorian sighed, with a hand on his hip and gave her that look that only her best friend could give her. She and Dorian had grown close since he joined the Inquisition. Helping him reconcile with his father was the one time she felt like she did everything right. He was snarky and opinionated and often challenged her when she made decisions, but he was also the only person who truly understood her pain when she came back from the lake. They shared hours in the library, when he wasn’t off canoodling with Iron Bull. He would read to her and stroke her hair while she softly sobbed. She wasn’t surprised that he chose to stay with her in Skyhold after the battle with Corypheus.

“I know, I know.” Gwynn smiled, “If I don’t take breaks I’m going to wrinkle my pretty face.” Resigned Gwynn sat in her overstuffed chair next to Dorian and draped her legs across his lap. She knew he was right. She was pushing herself harder than she should be. But she was determined. She knew this would be the only way to find him. She rested her head in her hands and tried not to think of that day.

 

_“And I’m sorry. I distracted you from your duty. It will never happen again.”_

_“Solas…”_

_"Please, Vhenan."_

_"I'm not giving up on you, Solas."_

_"You truly should."_

_"Whatever you need, we can find together."  
_

_"No we can't...you'll see. I'm sorry."_

She was shaken from her memory when Dorian laid his hand on her shoulder.

“I said ‘break’ not nap. Come on, try again.” Gwynn smiled. Dorian could practically read her mind. She was always grateful when he would distract her from the memories that were a persistent knife in her gut.

She got up from her chair, loosened the tension in her neck and walked toward the center of her chambers. The sun was streaming in from the hole in the west wall brightening the colors of her rug. There were still so many improvements and repairs that needed to be made at Skyhold, but they were not her priority. She did feel poorly about leaving the gaping hole in the ceiling of Cullen’s chambers, though he didn’t seem to mind.

 “Focus Inquisitor,” Dorian reminded, “If you’re going to make this work, you need to be fully present. You have his pendant?”

 Gwynn instinctively reached up to touch the wolf jaw pendant that was all she had left of him. She found it on his desk after he disappeared. She clutched it so tightly in that moment that the teeth broke her skin and made her bleed. She’d hoped he would have left a letter explaining everything, but deep down she knew it was an empty dream.

 “The magic I’ve added to the pendant will help when you cross through the veil,” Dorian continued, “Focus all of your energy on him. The talisman should do the rest.”

 Gwynn closed her eyes and thought of the first time he took her to the Fade. She pictured the look on his face after she kissed him. She imagined feeling his lips on hers again. She raised the anchor and opened the rift.

 “That’s it! It’s working!” Dorian yelled over the sound of the rift. “You know what you have to do. Go Inquisitor! Now!”

 With a deep breath she threw herself into the rift.


	2. Solas

Solas

 

He walked silently through the streets of Haven, watching as the townspeople worked to rebuild what they had lost. He was always fascinated by the determination of humans. When so much had been taken from them, they continued to grow, create and thrive. For as misguided as they are, their hope encouraged him. He knew it was dangerous returning to Haven. There were so many memories here. The memories that haunted him were reminders of his failings. He stopped at the spot where their lips first met. He closed his eyes and breathed in, foolishly hoping that the air around him might still carry her scent. He opened his eyes smelling only dust, campfires and horseshit.

“I knew I’d find you here eventually.”

The familiar voice jarred him as he spun around on his heel to face her.

“This place means too much to both of us for you not to return,” she said gently, “I come here often with the hope of finding you.”

She looked exactly as he remembered her. Her soft black hair pulled back with wisps falling just to her slender neck. Her lavender eyes pierced him straight in his heart, like they always did, seeing through him into his soul. Her skin smooth and slightly tanned with no trace of the Vallaslin he’d removed for her. Just the sight of her made him want to fall to his knees, weep into her arms and beg for forgiveness.

“This isn’t possible, you can’t…” his voice broke

“You’ve seen me defeat a darkspawn magister, close rifts and physically walk in the Fade. I am a walking impossibility. Did you not think I would do the impossible to find you?” She stepped closer, reaching her hand out to him.

“No!” he said backing away, “I know her, and she would not take such a risk to find me. She would not risk the safety of the Inquisition or her people.”

“Solas,” she replied, “I would break down the defenses of the Black City. I would move mountains. I would overthrow the Maker to find you. _Ma emma lath_ , Solas.”

His head was reeling. Here standing before him was the woman he loved, the woman he betrayed, the heart he had left behind. She was real. She was close enough to touch. Yet he knew it couldn’t be. This was not the real Haven. He couldn’t take the risk to return outside of the Fade. When he dreamt, he could imagine a different past. He could escape the mission that lay before him. He could see her in memories. This vision standing before him could not exist. No matter how much he wanted it to.

“Be gone demon. You cannot tempt me. I have mastered the Fade and I know the difference between reality and a fantasy.”

She looked at him, the pain clear on her face. The expression the same as the night he walked away from her. He wanted to hold her, to feel her in his arms fitting perfectly as she always had. The need to touch her was overwhelming. He looked away. He knew he would lose himself in her gaze.

“ _Ma vhenan_.” He could hear the pain in her voice, so soft it was almost a whisper. “I won’t give up on you. Whatever you need, we can find it together.”

Her words struck him. They were the same she had spoken to him by the lake. His heart leapt to his throat. Could this truly be her? Did she find a way to the Fade? She lifted his chin and the touch of her hand was like a bolt of electricity on his skin.

“Let me share your journey.” She closed the space between them, tilted her head and leaned in. She was so close he could smell her hair. Her scent was intoxicating. He closed his eyes.

“SOLAS! NO!”

His eyes flew open and the face before him was contorted in pain. Black blood was oozing from a gash in its arm. The face was no longer his love, but the murky grey of a Desire Demon. Another dagger flew past his cheek and lodged squarely in the demon’s neck. Blood sprayed the front of his tunic as he leapt into a defensive stance. Spells and daggers flew with a certain familiarity. Freeze and flank, freeze and flank. Bringing the demon to its knees seemed almost effortless. It had been months since he had fought with such synergy. It wasn’t until they were pulling their dagger from the demon’s chest that he finally looked upon his defender.

They were a head shorter than him and moved with a grace he had only seen in one other. Her frame was clearly female and she wore leather pants that showed off the gentle curve of her hips. Her grey scout coat was hooded to cover her face, and her gloves were matted with the blood of the demon they had just killed. She remained silent with her back to him as she cleaned her blades. If he hadn’t just been tricked, he would think this was his Gwynn. But this battle was a painful reminder of just how powerful desire can be. He had always said that Pride Demons were the most powerful, but they rarely bothered him. In his youth, they had been the worst of the tempters. He took his new name as a reminder of the failings his pride had brought him. He had no pride left for them to feed on.

He shifted his thoughts from his own mistakes to the rogue Fade wanderer who saved him. He looked up in time to see the cloud of black smoke shroud her in stealth.

“Who are you?” he asked, “A spirit? An apostate?” He could only just sense her movements. His skin prickled as her movements created a soft breeze on the back of his neck.

 “ _Lathbora viran_ ,” she whispered, her lips inches from his ear. He felt her hand softly graze his cheek while she placed something in his hand, and she was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All game dialogue is credited to Patrick Weekes, Bioware and Dragon Age writers.
> 
> Elven language translated from Dragon Age Wiki:
> 
> Ma emma lath: You are my love  
> Ma vhenan: My heart  
> Lathbora virnan: The path to a place of lost love


	3. Gwynn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwynn returns from the Fade.

Gwynn

 

She ran. She ran as hard as she could into the outskirts of what looked like Haven. She ran until she no longer recognized the scenery. Her lungs were burning from the exertion and the pain of being so close to him again. She stopped by a mangled looking tree and collapsed, her body wracked with sobs. She wanted to stay with him, to show herself and find out why he left.  But she knew this was the only way to convince him it was her. She was even surer of it after finding him almost overtaken by a Desire Demon that had her face. She couldn’t bear to think of the pain he must be in to let his guard slip.

 

She let herself cry just long enough to catch her breath. She knew she couldn’t stay much longer. The Fade was a dangerous place, and she’d barely survived it alone the first time she entered it physically. It was only a matter of time before some kind of demon or spirit would find her. She pulled herself up from the ground, focused all of her energy on the image of her chambers at Skyhold and opened a rift.

 

“You made it! You’re alive! Did it work? Did you find him?”

 

“Dorian, slow down,” she gasped, “I need a moment.”

 

Dorian helped her to the edge of her bed and sat beside her. He was easily excited, and she could tell it was difficult for him to hold back all of his questions. Truthfully, she just wanted to be alone. Dorian sighed and put his arm around her.

 

“You don’t have to talk right now. I’m here to listen when you’re ready.” Sometimes she really did think he could read her mind. Dorian got up from the bed, kissed the top of her head and made his way toward the steps out of her chambers.

 

“I’m just glad you’re safe,” he said his back still turned to her.  “It would be so boring here without you.” And he left her in peace.

 

Gwynn laid back onto her bed and hugged her knees to her chest. She wanted to sleep, but it wouldn’t come. She laid there, thoughts running through her mind.

“ _Did it work? Will he believe it? Will he even come?”_ Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard someone climbing the stairs. Obviously Dorian’s patience had reached its peak.

 

“I’m glad to see you’ve returned from you little adventure to the Fade, Inquisitor. ‘Tis a feat I know has alluded you for some time.”

 

Morrigan.

 

“You are surprised that I know of your plans and secret lessons with the Tevinter. The hole in your wall makes a perfect perch for a raven.”

 

Of course. Gwynn had seen Morrigan become a Raven once before, yet she was so invested in her mission with Dorian that she hadn’t even thought twice about the bird that seemed to enjoy roosting in her chamber.

 

“Why am I not surprised, Morrigan?” Gwynn asked as she sat up on her bed. “I suppose you are here to tell me you disapprove?”

 

“Quite the contrary, Inquisitor. You have, whether by circumstance or fate, been given a powerful gift. You, an elf with no previous magical abilities, can control the veil between the Fade and our world. You should be learning to control it.”

 

Morrigan walked to the doorway to the balcony. She looked out into the setting sun. Gwynn was surprised that Morrigan had decided to stay at Skyhold. She assumed it was because of Kieran and the fact that they were safer from Flemeth here than anywhere else. However, it must be hard to be surrounded by so many when they had been on their own for so long.

 

“I come with information I have gathered from the spirits of the Well of Sorrows. They have shown me much through the eluvians, though ‘tis not a story I bring lightly. Nor one you may want to hear. It regards my mother…and your elf.”

 

Gwynn sat upright like a bolt of lightning had struck her. She knew Morrigan was searching for a way to free herself from her mother’s binding. But what did Solas have to do with it all? She reminded herself to contain her emotion. Although Morrigan fought by her side in the battle with Corypheus, Gwynn still didn’t fully trust the Witch of the Wilds.

 

“I’m listening,” Gwynn said, hoping the shake in her voice would go unnoticed.

 

“As you know, drinking from the Well of Sorrow bound me to the will of Mythal. This is a price I would not have so easily paid had I known my mother, Flemeth, had taken in the spirit of Mythal many years ago. Mother needs a host to possess to continue her long life, and I refuse to be that host. However, now being bound to her will, it was only a matter of time before she would beg that sacrifice of me. I have been speaking with the spirits of the well, seeking their guidance to recover and repair any remaining Eluvians. I have done what I can to remain secretive about my motives…until recently.”

 

Morrigan sighed and made her way to the chair opposite Gwynn. She looked older, worry lines had begun to form around her yellow eyes, and a first few strands of grey hair could be seen streaking from her temples into her black ponytail. Clearly this business had taken a toll on her.

 

“What I am about to tell you Inquisitor will not be easy, for either of us. It seems my mother…is dead. Or something in between life and death, you never know with mother. Whatever state or form she is in, she is no longer the host of Mythal’s spirit.”

 

Morrigan hung her head and paused.

 

“Well…damn. Morrigan, I don’t know what to say,” Gwynn faltered, “I know most of your life you’ve been trying to free yourself from her, but she was still your mother. I’m sorry.”

 

“Don’t be. I feel no grief over the loss of a woman who only raised me to take my body for her own. If I seem remorseful, it is because I have yet to reach the point in my tale that concerns you.”

 

Gwynn sighed and nodded for Morrigan to continue her tale.

 

“The spirits of the Well were guarded by the spirit of Mythal. They praise her and worship her being. It is because of this that they failed to mention that Mythal was not the only Elven God who walked Thedas. Fen’Harel, the Dread Wolf is alive. Fen’Harel now hosts Mythal’s spirit. How this has come to pass, or what he intends to do with this power, I do not know. “

 

“So, you think this has to do with me because I’m an elf and now one of my gods is roaming around with double the power?” Gwynn asked.

 

“No. This concerns you because you seem to be in love with and searching for the one who killed my mother. Solas is Fen’Harel.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun dun...cue the dramatic music.


	4. Solas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solas has a choice to make. Also some mild smut. :) Maybe don't read it at work. A shorter chapter than most.

Solas

 

In his dreams he saw her smiling seductively as she removed her tunic. He saw her naked body was a work of art. She would move with her usual grace to the bed and beckon him to join. He would savor every part of her. He’d start with a chaste kiss on her forehead, then each eyelid. He would make her wait for a true kiss; he knew it would drive her crazy. He’d then make his way to her ears nipping the point at the very top. He’d kiss her in the spot that made her moan right between her earlobe and her neck. Then he’d focus on her perfect breasts.

 

He never got the chance, in the short time they were together, to explore her body. He could only imagine how her skin would feel against his, how her breasts would feel in his hands; how they would taste. He’d watch her face as she moved beneath him rhythmically, panting.

 

His dreams turned to nightmares when he realized just as she screamed in ecstasy that the face above her was not his own, but Cullen. The thought of her with someone else tore him apart, but he wished her happiness just the same. He never imagined he’d see her again.

 

His hands were trembling. He could hardly believe what he was holding, or what it meant. He couldn’t bring himself to tell her the truth that night at the lake like he’d planned. Instead, like a coward, he made up some bullshit about the markings on her face. He promised everything would be made clear after the battle, but the orb breaking changed everything. Without it, he couldn’t show her his plan. Without the orb, he was a failure. So he ran away. He left the woman he loved because he was ashamed of where his centuries of mistakes had led him. Leaving her his wolf jaw amulet was the only way he could think of to bring her closure. He had hoped she’d break it, or keep it and move on.

 

Yet here, in his hands, he held his amulet. The one thing he left behind. The only thing that she could use to make him believe she had found him. His eyes burned. She saved him. She fought off the demon that had her face. He raised a shaking hand to the cheek she had caressed. Why didn’t she stay? Of course she couldn’t. She would have known that he would never have believed her. She had chosen her only words carefully.

 

_“Lathbora viran”_

The path to a lost love. It was an invitation. She wanted him to find her, meet her somewhere. How could he go to her after everything he’d done? But then again, how could he not? She deserved to know the truth. She was the wisest woman he had ever met. If anyone could understand, she could. But would she listen? Would she accept the truth he had to offer? He knew there was little chance of her forgiving him for the pain he caused her, but perhaps she would understand why.

 

He opened the note that was tucked under the amulet and sat on a nearby stone.

 

_Solas,_

_I’ve thought about what I would say to you if I ever got the chance for months. At first, I wanted to scream at you_

_and demand that you give me answers, or tell me that you didn’t care. But I know that’s not true. Then, I wanted_

_to hold you and tell you I didn’t care about the truth. Nothing else mattered as long as we were together. But that_

_would be a lie._

_The truth is, I love you, Solas. I love you, and you left me with nothing. That is more painful that any wound I_

_received in battle. I’ve known from the beginning that you kept parts of yourself from me. I let it go because_

_everyone has a past. But it became clearer and clearer that your reasons for joining the Inquisition went_

_beyond closing the Breach and stopping Corypheus._

_You told me no one had ever seen you the way that I did. You told me I was unique, and wise beyond_

_anything you had experienced in or out of the Fade. Why could you not tell me what you were searching_

_for? Did you not trust me enough? Did I not make it clear enough that I would always be there for you,_

_that I would offer you my aid in whatever you were seeking? Was I not enough?_

_Help me understand, Solas. You know now that I have mastered the anchor. I can travel to the Fade._

_Besides the demons, it is the safest place I can think of for us to meet. I will be waiting where you_

_broke my heart in three days. I want to give you time to think and decide. I want to help you._

_Ma’arlath,_

_Gwynn_

He awoke in his cave, tears silently rolling down his cheeks. Her words that cut him like a knife forever etched in his mind. Of course he knew that he had caused her pain, but knowing that she wondered if she was enough broke him. He loathed himself for making her feel so small and insignificant. Everything would have been easier if she could just hate him. Of course, if she knew the truth she was bound to hate him. He didn’t need three days to think. He knew what he had to do.

 

He gathered what few belongings he had. He repacked his pack of bare necessities, and elven artifacts he’d collected, slung his staff across his back, lifted the wards he’d placed around the cave, extinguished the fire and walked out into cover of nightfall. He turned his gaze upon the mountains in the distance and set out.

 

He was going back to Skyhold.


	5. Gwynn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Skyhold receives a surprise visitor.

Gwynn

 

“So what you’re saying is you traveled physically through the Fade to reunite with your boyfriend who happens to be an ancient Elven God who killed Morrigan’s mother who was also an ancient Elven God?” Dorian asked, “Is it inappropriate for me to ask how you feel about Fade tonguing a god? Was it more majestic than a regular tongue?” He scooted closer to her on the edge of her bed and placed his chin in his hands like a small child waiting to be told a bedtime story.

 

“Dorian!” Gwynn said and slapped his arm. She couldn’t help but giggle a little at the ridiculous statement. “Be serious.”

 

“I am being serious my dear.” He laid back on the bed. “I’ve never met anyone who has been _intimate_ with a deity. My mind is swimming with lustful scenes involving infinite cosmic powers of pleasure.” He punctuated his visions with graphic hand gestures.

 

Gwynn shook her head. Dorian always did have a flair for the dramatized romance. Perhaps that’s why he gravitated towards Iron Bull.

 

“I’m afraid any details I could share with you would be boring in comparison to your current…shall we say _entanglement_?” Gwynn said slyly giving Dorian a sideways glance. “In all the time we spent together, whether intimate or not, I never once suspected he was an Old God. Let alone one capable of murder for personal gain.”

 

Gwynn rose from her bed and walked out on to her balcony. Maybe the fresh air would help clear her head. She gazed out on the horizon and marveled as the noonday sun made the snowy mountains appear as though they were covered in diamonds.

 

“I know this is hard for you, love,” Dorian said as he joined her on the balcony. “But you knew the truth wouldn’t be easy. Perhaps it’s a blessing that you gave him three days to think. It seems you also have a decision to make.  Do you go to meet him, or do you let him go?”

 

Gwynn sighed. She was conflicted. In her heart she knew she still loved him, but it seemed any future they could have had together was gone. How could they possibly be together if he was a God of her people? Not just a God, but also the betrayer of the other Gods. Fen’Harel was the one who betrayed the Elven Gods and locked them away from their people. Because of him, the ancient elves warred with themselves and their society crumbled and fell to Tevinter. How could she forgive him for creating the oppression her people now faced?

 

“I don’t know,” Gwynn said, “What would you do?”

 

Before Dorian could answer, Josephine came running up the stairs into Gwynn’s chambers. She had her usual air of emergency about her. Clearly there was some dignitary who needed immediate attention, or a seating chart needed to be decided for some upcoming banquet that Gwynn had forgotten about.

 

“I’m sorry to interrupt, Inquisitor, but there is a matter that begs your attention.” Josephine said, catching her breath.

 

“Now isn’t exactly a great time Josie,” Gwynn replied.

 

“I’m afraid it can’t wait, Inquisitor. There’s a bit of a commotion in the gardens. It seems Morrigan has brought in a new pet from the wilderness surrounding Skyhold. It’s upsetting many of the subjects.”

 

Of course the “crisis” involved Morrigan. Josephine had never been comfortable with Morrigan staying at Skyhold. She felt it made the Inquisition look like they were consorting with apostates. She feared nobles would suggest the Inquisition favored blood magic, even if Morrigan was no blood mage.

 

Gwynn sighed. She knew there would be no getting rid of Josephine without some kind of answer to her problem.

 

“All right Josie, what exactly did Morrigan bring home for Kieran?”

 

“A wolf.”

 

Gwynn’s heart stopped. She fled passed Josephine and barreled down the stairs and through the corridors. Her mind and heart were racing. She had to find Morrigan.

 

“Was is something I said?” Josephine asked Dorian as they ran after Gwynn.

 

“Yes.”

 

Gwynn didn’t slow her pace until she reached the gazebo.  Her breath caught in her throat when she saw Morrigan standing next to a snow-white wolf. The wolf raised its head, looked at Gwynn and lowered its gaze.

 

“Morrigan,” Gwynn cleared her throat, “We need to talk about your pet. In private.”

 

Josephine had started to follow, but turned on her heel and walked off in a huff. Clearly Gwynn would have to deal with that later. Dorian nodded and made his way back to the library.

 

Morrigan and the wolf followed Gwynn in silence down to the catacombs below Skyhold where Morrigan kept her Eluvian. Gwynn tried to mask her trepidation by holding herself upright and assuming the demeanor she usually reserved for judgment days.  But her mind was racing. She could barely form a coherent thought. She recognized the wolf’s eyes, and for the fleeting moment that they had locked on to her own, she saw sadness, regret and incredible guilt. She wanted to be sympathetic, but how could he be so foolish to come back? She’d offered to see him in the Fade where it was safe. Now he was here and it was only a matter of time before someone found out. Granted, to everyone else at the fortress, he was nothing more than the man who broke her heart. They had no idea about the atrocities he had committed. His return would bring questions of course. Leliana would want to have her people speak with him, a thought that sent a shiver down Gwynn’s spine.

 

Morrigan shut the door behind them. She lifted her hands and a soft blue glow emanated from her hands.

 

“The wards are set. No one can enter or hear us beyond this room. You are safe.”

 

And just like that Gwynn was face to face with her betrayer.


	6. The Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reunited and it feels so good...or does it?

The Two

 

They stood there in silence for what seemed like an eternity, neither one really knowing what to say. His shame was so apparent. He couldn’t make eye contact with her.  She was holding back both tears and screams. The silence was deafening.

 

“Clearly, I must be the one to break this awkward silence, lest we all die of crushing anxiety,” Morrigan said. “Inquisitor, perhaps ‘tis best to tell you how I found the Dread Wolf.”

 

Gwynn swallowed, her throat felt like sandpaper. “Yes, Morrigan. Thank you.”

 

Gwynn started to cross to a chair in the corner of the room, never taking her eyes off Solas. She tripped on a loose stone and lost her footing. She threw her hands in front of her to break her fall and felt a strong arm wrap around her waist to steady her. He pulled her to her feet and left his hand on her lower back. Almost instinctively, she raised her hand to his chest. For the first time, their eyes met. She blushed as her breath caught in her throat. She could hold back no longer. Gwynn threw her arms around his neck, buried her head in his chest and cried. Solas gently embraced her in return.

 

“Another time, perhaps,” Morrigan said. She gave Solas a knowing glance and left them alone.

 

“You…idiotic…bastard,” Gwynn yelled between sobs. She pulled away and looked him straight in the face. He was smiling. “Why are you smiling? I am genuinely angry with you.”

 

“I know,” Solas replied, “It’s just that, ‘You idiotic bastard’ was not the response I anticipated.”

 

And then they were laughing. They sunk to the floor and Gwynn pulled her knees to her chest. She felt like her emotions were a ship on turbulent seas. First she was overjoyed, then angry, and now laughing. She was unsure what she should be feeling, but it didn’t matter. He was there, with her. The next wave of seriousness overtook her.

 

“Truly, Solas. Coming here was idiotic. Many view you as a deserter, and others would attack you simply for hurting me. I told you to meet me in the Fade. Why did you risk coming to Skyhold?”

 

“What I need to tell you is better done in person. And after you found me in the Fade, there was little I would risk to find you again.”

 

Solas reached out and took her hand. It felt so natural in his. Her skin was a smooth as he remembered it. He wondered if her lips would feel the same.

 

Feeling his hand around hers sent a shock through Gwynn’s arm. Her skin tingled where the roughness of his callused hand met hers. She wanted to feel the electricity of his lips on hers again. But now was not the time. They had too much they needed to work through for her to let passion overwhelm her sense.

 

“I know who you are,” Gwynn whispered, avoiding his gaze. “What I don’t understand is, why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you trust me enough?”

 

Solas scooted closer to her so their knees were touching as they sat cross-legged on the floor. He took both of her hands in his and said, “Vhenan, I trusted…I trust you more than anyone I’ve ever known. I wanted to tell you. I almost did once. That night, when I took you to the lake, it was my intention to tell you everything. But when I looked into your eyes, I saw the depth of your feelings for me. I knew you would leave everything if I asked. The path I intended to travel was very dangerous. I couldn’t bring myself to ask you to tread it with me. I broke your heart to save you, because I loved you too much to lose you. I have regretted that moment every day since then.”

 

“So, you did love me. “

 

Solas lifted her chin to meet her gaze. He softly pushed a strand of hair behind her ear and cupped her face in his hands. He held her gaze and said, “Ir abelas, ma vhenan. Ma emma lath, ma vhenan’ara.”

 

A single tear rolled down Gwynn’s cheek. Solas wiped it away. He leaned toward her and paused, allowing her the choice. Gwynn’s head was swimming. The impulsive and passionate part of her wanted to forget everything and lose herself in him. The practical and reasoning part of her knew she should wait and probe him for more answers. He had only given her part of the truth. She needed to know everything. But he had also just confessed that he loved her. In all their time together, he’d never used those words. She felt as if her heart would jump out of her chest.

 

Solas could sense her confusion. “I’m sorry, vhenan, it's not the time…”

 

And her lips crashed into his. Screw reason and sense. The man she loved risked his life to come back for her just so he could tell her the truth, and tell her he loved her. Practicality could wait. She threw her arms around his neck and put all of her emotions into the kiss. His hands locked around her waist and drew her to him. He could feel her heart pounding against his chest.

 

Her lips were everything he remembered. Soft and warm, still capable of taking his breath away. He wove his fingers through her reddish brown hair. It was longer than when he left her, now grazing her shoulders. He broke away from the kiss just long enough to catch his breath and breathe her in. Her hair still smelled like honeysuckle with a hint of campfire. She nuzzled his neck and just hugged him. So innocent a gesture, and yet it filled him with an intense desire. _There will be time for that later,_ he thought.

 

They knelt there in that embrace until her knees started to ache from the stone floor. She tried to shift her weight without ruining the moment.

 

“You're uncomfortable,” he said.

 

“It’s not that,” Gwynn stammered, “It’s just stone floor…knees…”

 

“Perhaps we should continue our conversation somewhere more comfortable?” he asked.

 

“I agree, but I still have to figure out how to explain…well you.” Gwynn stood and rubbed the back of her neck, a habit she had picked up from the hours spent in the war room discussing strategy with Cullen.

 

“Would it be easier to explain a pet wolf for the time being? At least until you are sure you want me to stay,” he offered.

 

Gwynn turned to face him. “Yes a pet wolf would be easier, but let’s get one thing straight right now, Solas. I am not losing you again. You are staying, and if you leave, I’m coming with you. End of discussion.” She put her hands on her hips to punctuate her seriousness.

 

Solas laughed, “You’re beautiful even when you try to sound stern, but I will avoid a potential argument for the time being and simply agree to your terms, for now.”

 

“Wise man,” she laughed. “Alright, do your wolf thing…my pet.” She winked at him and gave him a devilish grin.

 

“Don’t make me bite you,” he threatened.

 

“Oh, I look forward to it,” she retorted and made for the door.

 

Her response left him speechless.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ir abelas, ma vhenan. Ma emma lath, ma vhenan’ara- I'm sorry for your loss, my heart. You are my love, my heart's desire.


	7. There's a First Time for Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just what does one do with a wolf? Brace yourselves, it's a long chapter. (NSFW)

There's a First Time for Everything

 

It had been surprisingly easy convincing the court at Skyhold that Gwynn was taking in this beast of Morrigan’s to train it as one trains a Mobari. Gwynn simply told Josephine that Dalish had a gift with animals and that she was confident she could calm the wild nature. Solas was happy to play along in his wolf form, growling and snapping at Josephine’s heels.

 

“Of all things, Inquisitor,” Josephine scoffed, “Perhaps it best you train this thing in your quarters, away from the great hall.”

 

“A wise idea Lady Montilyet. I shall have this beast coming at my beck and call in no time.”

 

Gwynn could have sworn she heard the wolf snort with laughter. She tugged the rope around Solas’ neck as a warning.

 

“Its eyes are unnerving my lady. It is as if it is not just looking at me, but seeing me. Are you certain we shouldn’t have it checked for demons? Between Lady Cassandra and Commander Cullen, they could determine if it is possessed.”

 

“Morrigan is certain, and I trust her knowledge of the arcane. She is the one who found the beast after all. I do not believe she would bring a possessed wolf to Skyhold. He is simply an ill thought gift for Kieran. Morrigan believed with her shapeshifting abilities that she could communicate with the beast. But she is not Dalish. She may have been raised in the wilds, but she does not possess the knowledge of a Ranger of the Dales.”

 

The lie was simple enough to tell. Even her closest advisors were still wary of her Dalish heritage. None had truly pressed to know more about her clan’s traditions or religion. It was easier to view their Inquisitor as a human with a strange affliction affecting only her ears. Gwynn rarely used this to her advantage, but in this case, she was desperate to end the conversation.

 

“Of course, Inquisitor. I’m sorry. Please do not hesitate to send for assistance should you need it. Not from me, of course, but I’m perhaps Iron Bull or one of the mages.”

 

Josephine headed back to her chambers muttering softly to herself, clearly disapproving of Gwynn’s choice to keep the wolf.

 

Gwynn led the wolf down the mail hall to her chambers. Solas resisted just enough to keep up appearances with the onlookers. Some looked on in amazement, as if this act was just another confirmation of Gwynn’s holy powers. Others shied away in fear of the wild beast before them. Varric kept Bianca loaded and close, just in case. Gwynn gave him a nod of thanks, and a look that assured him she had the beast under control.

She felt a rush of heat when the knowledge hit her that she was parading her love on a leash, in broad daylight, in front of the court of Skyhold. It felt like a voyeuristic act, and it left her feeling a desire she’d never experienced. Sure, she’d imagined what it would be like to know the love of a man, but she had taken the ritual of bonding very seriously while living in her clan. She hadn’t considered the possibility of making love outside of the traditional bonds.

 

She could feel a blush rising in her cheeks. She opened the door to her chambers and almost slammed it behind them. Solas, still in his wolf form, bounded up the stairs, his large paws taking them three at a time. Gwynn stayed at the base of the staircase with her back resting against the door to the mail hall. The weight of the knowledge that he would be sharing a bed with her was overwhelming. Sure he’d been to her chambers and they’d shared a passionate kiss or two, but nothing more. Of course she had desired it to go further, but he had always kept her at a distance and truthfully she didn’t know if she was ready.

 

Gods, was she even ready now? She could tell in the catacombs that he wanted her, but was holding back. Why was she even worrying about this now? He’d only joked about getting her into bed once, but that was only harmless flirting. They still had too much to discuss, too much to work through for her to even think that they would take things to that level. Her mild state of panic was interrupted when Solas popped his head over the banister.

 

“Are you alright, vhenan?” he whispered.

 

Gwynn swallowed hard, driving her lust down to her stomach and nodded ascending the staircase.

 

“A silver for your thoughts,” he said as he lounged on the couch, “though by your expression, I’d wager that would render me a bare purse.”

 

“It’s nothing. I just can’t believe everyone fell for that ‘Dalish are good with animals’ shite.”

 

“You know the reason you never win a hand of Wicked Grace is because you’re a terrible liar. Please, vhenan, tell me, what has caused your perfect brow to furrow.”

 

He sat up and offered her a place next to him on the couch. Resigned, Gwynn sat as close to the edge and as far away from him as she could. This would be a hard enough conversation without feeling his energy pulsing next to her.

 

Gwynn bit her lip and tried to compose her thoughts into an intelligible sentence. How do you tell the elvhen god you love, who has probably had his fair share of lovers, that you’re a virgin and terrified of displeasing him.

 

“It is a bit embarrassing, and I’m afraid you’ll see me as a da’len,” Gwynn started, “But in truth, I was thinking about sex.”

 

Solas’ eyes grew wide. “You continue to surprise me.”

 

Gwynn laughed. “Well prepare yourself, ma lath, because you’re in for a big one,” she said sarcastically to hide the shaking of her voice.

 

Solas’ expression changed to concern. He slid closer to her on the couch and reached for her hand. Gwynn almost jumped from the corner of the couch to stand next to the banister.

 

“Din hara, emma lath. What is it?”

 

“I never…I didn’t…shit, I’m a virgin, and I’m terrified that I won’t please you. You’re a God, and I’m, well me, and you’ve probably had plenty of lovers being who you are, and I’m sure I couldn’t compare. Shit, you’ve probably been with an actual goddess, Mythal even!”

 

The words flowed from her like vomit and once she started she couldn’t stop. Every self-conscious thought she’d even let cross her mind about being in bed with a man was amplified a thousand fold when she thought about Solas. A part of her thought he would stop her, leap from the couch and take her in his arms, kissing her to silence her ravings. Instead, he sat; never taking his eyes off of her, and waited.

 

“…and the way Iron Bull describes his escapades with Dorian…I mean is that what it would be like with…I don’t think I would…but I mean I’d try it for….shit.”

 

Gwynn was out of breath. She slumped over the barrister and took a deep breath.

 

“Are you quite finished?” Solas said, still unmoving from his statuesque position on the couch.

 

“Yes,” Gwynn whined letting the blood rush to her head as it hung over the railing.

 

“Come here, vhenan,” Solas said beckoning her to the couch. Gwynn slumped down onto the couch avoiding his gaze.

 

“You are not wrong in your assumptions that I have been with others. I have given pleasure to city elves that wander into the woods in the light of the full moon. I drove a group of Dalish girls wild after they mocked my name. Andruil once begged me to satisfy her, and offered to serve _me_ in bed for a year for just one night of passion. A tale that sadly has been twisted over the years.”

 

Gwynn put her head in her hands and groaned.

 

“My point, vhenan, is this: your existence alone pleases me more than city elves under a full moon. The scent of your hair drives me wilder than Dalish girls mocking their gods. You simply need to smile, and I am your servant not only for a year, but also for eternity. I held power over all of my past lovers. _You_ have complete power over me. Emma na'tu reva'din.”

 

Gwynn raised her head to look at him and found that at some point during his speech, he had positioned himself kneeling on the ground before her. He took her hands in his and kissed each knuckle of each hand.

 

“You are no da’len. You are asha. Strong, bold, wise beyond your years, beautiful and without fear. Getting you into bed is simply a pleasing side benefit.”

 

He smiled. She knew he chose those words with great care. It was the same thing he said to her the first time the topic of spending the night together ever came up. Granted at that time it was simply flirtatious banter. This time, his words carried weight. Gwynn stood before a still kneeling Solas. Slowly she untied the laces of her tunic exposing her ample breasts.

 

“Vhenan,” Solas breathed, “You don’t have to…”

 

Gwynn put her finger to his lips to silence him, her tunic hanging loosely off of her shoulders. Her hair spilled around her, lightly grazing her sharp collarbones.

 

“I want this,” she said, “I want you, Solas.”

 

He swept his hands up the outsides of her thighs to her hips. He laced his fingers under the hem of her tunic and stood to face her. She raised her arms above her head and in one swift motion he removed her tunic. She cupped his face in her hands and kissed him, her tongue easing his mouth open. As they kissed she worked her hands down to his chest, deftly undoing the laces of his tunic. She tugged to free it from his waistband and pulled it over his head.

 

He was more beautiful than she could have imagined. His skin was almost a milky white and smooth from his neck to his navel. There wasn’t the faintest sign of hair until she spied a small trail vanishing below the band of his trousers. He was lean but muscular. His abdominal muscles were defined, but not overly so. She curved her fingers into his waistband and pulled him to her.

 

He wrapped his arms around her waist, reveling in the feel of her skin against his own. She grazed her fingers down his sides and made him shudder and let out an involuntary laugh.

 

“Wait a minute,” she laughed, “Is my big, strong, wolf man _ticklish_?”

 

Her lustful gaze turned devilish and playful. She waved her fingers at him as she slowly crept toward him.

 

“Don’t you dare,” he warned, “I mean it vhenan.”

 

She leapt at him, pushing him over the arm of the couch and pinned him down with her knees. She ran her fingers up and down his ribcage making him thrash and howl with laughter. Suddenly, all of her tension and apprehension from earlier melted away. This was how it was supposed to be, fun, playful, and spontaneous.

 

“You’re…going…to…regret…this…” he said in between laughs.

 

He grabbed her wrists and used his knee to gently topple them off of the couch. He straddled her and pinned her arms above her head with one hand.

 

“All right, harellan, let’s see how you like it.”

 

He lightly ran one finger from her wrist down the length of her arm and down the side of her chest. She wriggled beneath him, giggling and kicking her feet. He brought his hand up to do it a second time, but as he did he took her nipple in his mouth. He continued to tickle her, sucking and teasing her nipple with his tongue. Her giggles turned to soft moans as he increased the pressure. He released her hands and she arched her back in pleasure.

 

He traced kisses from each breast down the center of her stomach nipping at her tanned skin along the way. He stopped just shy of her waistband. Gwynn propped herself up on her elbows.

 

“Why did you stop?” she asked, panting.

 

“You are certain you are ready? The floor is far from a bonding ceremony.”

 

Gwynn shimmied herself out from under him.

 

“Yes, I am sure. I don’t need a bonding ceremony to know that you are the last man I will ever love, body and soul.”

 

He stood and offered her his hand to help her up.

 

“As you are to mine, I am also yours emma lath. “

 

He pulled her to him by her waistband and undid the lacings. She reached out to him, trembling just slightly, and unlaced his trousers. He leaned in so they were cheek to cheek, his lips just near her ear.

 

“Someday, I will have you on this floor, but tonight I make love to you as you deserve,” he whispered.

 

In one swift motion he freed her of her pants and small clothes. He kissed her and lifted her from the floor. She responded, putting her arms around her neck and locking her ankles around his waist. He walked them back toward the Orlesain bed she had placed in her chambers and gently laid her upon the soft mattress. He quickly removed his own trousers and joined her on the bed. He spread her legs to make room for him.

 

Seeing him fully naked sent a wave of heat between Gwynn’s legs. Her body’s response to him was almost overwhelming. As he spread her legs, she half expected him to enter her right then. She let out a surprised gasp when he began to kiss her there instead. Gods it felt incredible! He would tease her with quick flicks of the tip of his tongue, and then plunge it inside her. She threw her head back, trying to maintain composure. She could feel her muscles tensing as she grew closer and closer to climax. He sent her over the edge when he cast a small frost spell to contrast the heat of his tongue. She cried out as the orgasm took her.

 

His breathing was ragged. It was hard for him to not let himself go as he watched her writhe with pleasure. The sight of her in ecstasy was glorious.

 

“Gods, Solas,” she breathed, “I didn’t even think about you using magic.”

 

He laughed, his voice husky and deep with desire.

 

“I want you now. I want to feel you inside me.”

 

“That, vhenan, I am happy to oblige.”

 

She opened herself to him, and winced only slightly as he entered her.

 

“I’m sorry,” he said, “I know it’s generally unpleasant for you the first time.”

 

“It’s not…unpleasant,” she said, “Just different. Don’t worry, I’ll be fine.”

 

He began to slowly move inside her until their rhythm merged. He had to hold himself back from going as fast as he wanted to. She was so tight around him it was maddening. He groaned and bent down to capture her lips.

 

She would be lying to herself if she said it didn’t hurt. Her mother had told her the first time would be painful. But for Gwynn, there was pleasure to this pain. She felt full, complete and whole with him inside her. After the first few thrusts, the pain began to subside and she moaned when he found the spot that sent chills down her spine.

 

“Oh, do that again!” she gasped “Shem’e!”

 

Solas began to thrust faster at her command. He reached down between them and began to pleasure her with his fingers. Even in the throws of passion she was beautiful. He gasped when she boldly reached around and grabbed his ass driving him deeper into her. He knew he wouldn’t last much longer, so he pulled her knees up and guided her legs around him.

 

She opened her eyes and looked up at Solas. She wanted to see his face when he came inside her. She reached around and cupped his balls in her hand. She kneaded them softly and grinned when he cried out in what could only have been incredibly ancient elven that she didn’t even understand. As he spent himself in her, she arched her back and let herself go with him.

 

He laid his head on her chest, both of them wet with sweat.

 

“I love you,” he whispered.

 

“And I love you, my Dread Wolf.”

 

And with that, sleep let them continue their night of passion in the Fade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My first try writing a smutty scene. I blushed through the whole process. 
> 
> Da'len-child  
> Ma lath-my love  
> Din hara, emma lath-No fear my love  
> Emma na'tu reva'din-I am at your mercy  
> Asha-woman  
> Harellan-trickster  
> Shem'e-faster


	8. Gwynn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Exposition...the next couple of chapters will be light on the Solas front, but I promise he'll be back and they will have their big talk, then things will get real! :)
> 
> Quick shout out to everyone who has been leaving Kudos and comments. I'm so grateful for the positive response. It's great encouragement to keep writing and follow through with this story as it bubbles in my head. Some of the next chapters will probably be a bit slow to upload as I've got some big work events coming up, but I promise I will try to get them up as soon as I can.
> 
> Enjoy my friends!

Gwynn

 

Waking up protectively wrapped in his arms was better than Gwynn could have ever imagined. Feeling his warm breath on the back of her neck rousing her from the Fade instantly brought back all of the feelings from the night before. Careful not to wake him, she tried to peel herself from his embrace. If she successfully removed one arm, he’d clutch tighter with the other. She softly giggled to herself and nuzzled her head into his chest.

 

“If you keep squirming I’m going to have to pounce,” Solas said with his eyes still shut.

 

Gwynn laughed and ran her toes up the inside of his leg. Solas growled and in one swift motion threw his other leg over her, flipping her onto her back and pinning her down with his body. She playfully fought him back; a wrestling match of kisses and tickles until the two of them were a tangle of limbs and sheets. Solas kissed her hard; clearly ready to continue where they had finished the night before. Gwynn responded in kind, losing herself in his touch.

 

“I’m going to have to make an appearance downstairs, or they will think my new pet got the best of me,” Gwynn said as she caught her breath after another successful round of love making.

 

“I know,” Solas said stroking her hair.

 

“Do you promise to still be here when I get back?”

 

Gwynn hadn’t meant it aggressively, but Solas stiffened under her. She sat up, sensing his tension.

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…”

 

“No, vhenan. Don’t apologize. You have every right to ask. I am the one that left you.”

 

“I know, but I truly didn’t mean it the way it sounded,” Gwynn paused, the silence lingering like a cloud. “I…um…I guess we still have some things to talk about when I get back.”

 

Suddenly self-conscious, Gwynn wrapped a sheet around her naked body and went to her armoire in search of a clean uniform. A few moments passed and she felt Solas wrap his arms around her from behind. He placed a kiss in the crook between her neck and her shoulder.

 

“I promise, I will never leave you again,” he whispered in her ear.

 

He turned her around to face him and placed her hands around his neck letting the sheet she wore fall to the floor. He took her face in his hands and looked into her eyes.

 

“Believe me, vhenan,” he said pleading with her, “I will always be with you.”

 

Gwynn nodded, unsure of what to say, and kissed him. She could tell he meant what he said, but there was fear behind his eyes. She didn’t know if he was afraid of staying with her, or afraid of losing her. She would need to figure out a way for them to find a private place to talk, with no bed to distract them.

 

She broke away from the kiss and turned back to the task of readying herself for the day. Solas kept his arms around her waist and his chin perched on her shoulder as she stared at the row of tunics and trousers in her cabinet.

 

“I think you should wear the green one,” he said, “It brings out your eyes and reminds me of the forest.”

 

She laughed. Truthfully, she hadn’t worn her green tunic since he left her because it reminded her of him. She decided now would be an appropriate time to wear it again. She quickly dressed and brushed through her tangled hair. She’d started leaving her hair down, flowing around her shoulders once the fighting had diminished. Josephine had suggested it as a measure to make her seem softer to some of the lesser dignitaries.

 

Word of her prowess in battle had spread quickly giving her the reputation of a fierce warrior. Gwynn never considered herself a fighter by nature, in fact, most battles she got through by sheer luck or the talents of the team she brought with her. Without Dorian’s mastery of lightning, Cassandra’s skill with the blade, or Solas’ healing powers, they never would have survived. Yet the credit was almost always solely given to her as Inquisitor. No matter how many times she tried to credit her companions, even they insisted it was her leadership that inspired them.

 

Gwynn brushed a quick kiss across Solas’ lips, promised to return as soon as she could and headed down the stairs to the main hall. As she entered the hall, Josephine, who had clearly been waiting, met her outside her chamber door.

 

“Ah Inquisitor,” Josephine said, “I see you are no worse for wear after a night of training your new pet.”

 

“Oh! Yes,” Gwynn replied, almost forgetting the ruse, “The wolf certainly kept me busy most of the night.”

 

“I must admit, I am relieved you left it in your chambers for the time being.” Josephine glanced at Gwynn’s chamber door as if she expected the wolf to break through.

 

“Don’t worry Josephine. He’s not going anywhere,” Gwynn said, almost to convince herself. “So, what is on my agenda for the day?”

 

Josephine loved to give a detailed account of Gwynn’s daily activities every morning. Since the civil war ended and the battle with Corypheus was finished, the Inquisition’s duties became more political in nature. Gwynn dealt less with traveling to different cities to deal with darkspawn or close Fade rifts, and more with negotiating deals, trade, and treaties. Usually decisions could be made within the first few hours of the morning, and then Gwynn would be free to roam Skyhold, check in with her companions, or read in the library with Dorian for the rest of the day.

 

Today was no different. She signed a few treaties, offered aid to some cities needing to rebuild, and sent a letter off to the new Divine Justinia VI, previously known as Cassandra. Gwynn couldn’t get used to calling her friend Justinia, so she continued to refer to her as Cassandra only in certain company, like Varric. Cassandra missed working with the Inquisition, but dove headfirst into her new role as Divine working to rebuild the Seekers of Truth and reform the Chantry.

 

Though she was eager to return to Solas, Gwynn suspected that some explanations were in order for both Morrigan and Dorian. She made her way up to the library to seek out Dorian first. She found him in his usual corner pouring over the pages of some ancient text.

 

“So…how was ‘training the wolf’,” Dorian asked not looking up from his book.

 

“It was…interesting?” Gwynn replied.

 

“At least tell me you skipped the talking and jumped straight to bed. That way I can at least imagine the sordid details.”

 

Gwynn blushed, “Um…”

 

“Maker’s breath, you did!” Dorian slammed his book shut and sat bolt upright. “Well now you have to tell me everything.”

 

“I promise, Dorian. One day soon we will sneak a bottle of Antivan brandy and I’ll give you all the sordid details, but right now, I need you to keep this a secret, even from Bull. There’s still so much I don’t know, so much that we haven’t talked about, and I need to be sure about a few things before I come up with an explanation for his reappearance.”

 

Saying it out loud made Gwynn feel a twinge of guilt for their escapades the night before. She shouldn’t have given in to her lust. She should have made him talk to her, made him explain everything. All the _what ifs,_ and _what nows,_ and _hows,_ were running through her head. She resolved herself to stay strong. No matter what, she would get answers tonight.

 

“I promise you, love, not even a hint of anything elfy or wolfy will come out of these lips until you give the word. Unless, of course, Bull chooses a Dalish safe word. He does so enjoy hearing me blaspheme the names of various gods.”

 

Gwynn giggled. Dorian always knew how to lighten a situation. He looked at her and his demeanor changed.

 

“Tell me truly,” he said solemnly, “Are you alright? I know this can’t be easy for you.”

 

“I don’t know how to describe how I am, in truth. I’m overjoyed, I’m terrified, and I feel like laughing and crying.”

 

“That’s love for you. Just know that I am here should you need me. “

 

“Thank you, Dorian.”

 

Gwynn took her leave and headed to the garden to find Morrigan. She had to admit to herself that she had been avoiding this conversation. Gwynn was unsure if she was ready to find out the truth about Flemeth, or how Morrigan found Solas. It would no doubt be quite a tale.


	9. Solas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solas gets a surprise visitor.

Solas

 

After Gwynn left Solas laid back down on the bed and attempted to draw himself back into the Fade, but sleep eluded him. His decision to return to Skyhold rather than meet Gwynn in the Fade seemed simple in the moment. Now the voices of doubt finally reached his ears.

 

_Selfish. How can you live with yourself knowing you chose your own happiness over her safety?_

_Foolish. She thinks she knows everything, but you’re a fool to think she will follow you in your plans._

_Liar. You promised you would never leave her again. If your plan succeeds, do you really think you can keep that promise? All you’ve done is lie to her._

Everything inside him was telling him to run, to spare her the inevitable pain or save her from certain harm. He needed air. He got up from the bed and walked out to the balcony, glad that the Inquisitor’s chambers faced away from the courtyard so he couldn’t be seen. He breathed in the cool mountain air and massaged his temples. He knew he couldn’t let the doubts get to him. Instead of focusing on that, he closed his eyes and tried to recall their night together.

 

Each time the cold air would caress his face, he thought of how it felt to have Gwynn’s cool fingers run down his cheek. When the sun would break through a cloud and he felt its warmth, he remembered the warmth of her breath on his chest as she slept. He leaned against the hard stone and slid down to sit on the balcony floor.

 

He didn’t know how long he had been sitting there feeling the sensations of nature and thinking of how they reminded him of Gwynn. He was shaken from his reverie by a familiar voice.

 

“Alright, where are you, elf? Come out so we can have a nice little chat.”

 

It was Dorian. Solas should have known the Tevinter would show up without Gwynn’s permission.

 

“I’m here, Dorian.” Solas said as he came back inside from the balcony. “Shall I let you display your Tevinter rage first, or would you like to skip straight to me not telling you why I left?”

 

Dorian made himself comfortable on the couch. He was calmer than Solas anticipated. Solas had imagined his encounters with all of their previous companions upon his return to Skyhold. He had already mentally prepared himself for a greeting from Bianca, courtesy of Varric, and a good talking to by Vivienne. He’d planned on avoiding Bull altogether, unless he had set his barrier. With Dorian, he imagined the Tevinter mage storming in, electricity snapping from his hands. Perhaps he had misjudged the Tevinter.

 

“Neither,” Dorian said examining the nails on his right hand, “Andraste’s ass interests me more than any explanation you could give, and I don’t rage, I internalize and plot.”

 

Clearly Dorian had had time to think about his response. Of course he had been the one to help Gwynn master her control of the anchor after Solas left. Solas couldn’t help but think _it should have been me._

 

“I have a few things to say to you, elf,” Dorian continued, “First, as you are well aware, your departure left our Gwynn more than broken hearted. It left her determined, and to a point, reckless. Sure she fulfilled her duties as Inquisitor as best she could, but nothing would steer her away from her mission of finding you. I was the only one she spoke with, the only person she trusted enough to help her with her quest. I was with her on her good days when she could control her emotions and her power, but I was also with her on the bad days. On more than one occasion she exhausted herself to the point where I had to revive her and stay by her side for days while she recovered. Conveniently, we had just received a new cook from Orlais and I could blame the Inquisitor’s absence on the poor woman’s cooking.”

 

Dorian stood from the couch and walked to the fireplace. He stared down into the flames painfully remembering the past months.

 

“I nearly lost her once. We entered the Fade and were almost instantly confronted by both a Fear and Desire demon. Both took your form.” Dorian turned to look at Solas. “The Desire demon spoke to Gwynn. It made her think you had found her in the Fade. She was strong and fought it, tears streaming down her face as she plunged her daggers into your heart. But the Fear demon, it was too strong. It told her she was not worthy of following you. It said you never loved her and you would rather die than have her find you. The demon preyed on her insecurities and the wounds you left open. It knocked her out. By the time I reached her it was on top of her, consuming her. I paralyzed it and revived her. She was physically and emotionally exhausted, there was no way she could have defeated that demon. She watched you die twice that day. The first was by her own hand, then by mine.”

 

Solas slumped against the balcony doorframe. Dorian turned to look at him.

 

“I tell you this for one reason. You are one lucky bastard to have the love of that woman. I don’t care what your reason was for leaving, or what you plan to do now that you’re back. I do know that whatever your mission is, you’re going to need help. Gwynn is going to want to go with you. I completely understand that. She trusts you because she loves you. What _you_ need to understand is until you earn back _my_ trust you’ve got yourself a very attractive Tevinter shadow. Where she goes, I go. And where I go, Bull goes. So, if you hurt her again not even the Maker himself can save you from the fury of a Quanari and his Tevinter mage boyfriend. Our two civilizations have been fighting longer than anyone in this castle remembers. Understood?”

 

Solas nodded and motioned for Dorian to sit on the couch. Solas walked over, sat next to Dorian, and looked him straight in the eyes.

 

“Dorian, I am the ancient elven god Fen’Harel. I had previously been asleep for over a thousand years after I locked away the other elven gods. I recently absorbed the power of Mythal from Morrigan’s mother, Flemeth, who sacrificed herself to give me the power. I plan to use this power to restore the elven gods to their rightful place.”

 

For the first time in his life, Dorian was speechless.

**Author's Note:**

> All dialogue taken from the game is credited to Patrick Weekes, Bioware and the writers of Dragon Age.
> 
> Elven translations from Dragon Age Wiki:
> 
> Ma emma lath-You are my love  
> Ma vhenan-My heart  
> Lathbora viran-The path to a place of lost love


End file.
